"These guys rock ass!" (me the day I bought the album). "Ugh, someone change this crap, I'm tired of it." (me a week after I bought the album). "Hey, does anyone want this cd? I'll give it to you for free..." (me two weeks after I bought the album).

That mini semi-autobiographical account of my life with the American Hi-Fi album is actually pretty accurate...I really did try to give the thing away. Their prophetic single Flavor of the Weak (yes, they really were cute enough to spell it 'weak' as opposed to 'week'...clever, no?) pretty much signaled to the world that they signed their own 'power pop presented as pop punk' death warrant the same day they signed their contract with Island Records. Granted, the sheer irony (and low price tag) of the song prompted me to buy the whole cd, but I wish that I had saved myself nine bucks and downloaded the one song instead...see, that way I'd be nine dollars richer and have 45 minutes of my life back (well, more like 2 hours and 15 minutes of my life back...but whatever).

Several truths I thought I'd be nice enough to admit right off the bat:1) Flavor... is a witty song that applies well to most high school-ish relationships...it's also perfect for 'alternarock' stations and MTV to latch on to.2) The video for Flavor... is a humorous romp through the parking lot of the typical 80's hair-metal/arena rock concert and is replete with torn clothes, bad hair, god-awful mesh hats and some of the ugliest trucks, trans-ams and firebirds I've ever seen. It also goes a long way as far as showing off the one good feature of the band...the lead singer has teeny-bopper good looks...how nice for him.3) They're likely to make a bunch of money for Island (and maybe a little for themselves if they didn't sign the usual contracts that litter mainstream music), which will figure out sometime during the recording of their next album that they don't deserve to make a follow-up and will drop AHF without so much as a whimper from any fans that they might have acquired from what we can all hope is their only single.

That's the nicest I can be...seriously.

Now for the bad news. The first obvious problem with AHF is the fact that you are hard pressed to differentiate from one song to the next. The second problem is that you don't feel the need TO tell them apart, as it wouldn't add any value to your existence as a human being in any remotely discernable way...also, the songs aren't really worth telling apart to begin with. The two notable exceptions to this rule of repetition (aside from Flavor..., and even it starts to blend in after 2 listens) are Safer on the Outside (which I actually like, mostly because it has to do with drunken depression...if I figure out that it doesn't, I'll hate it too) and Blue Day, in which the singer shows us that he is a rebel and that he can 'keep it real' by using the dreaded 'F-word' once or twice (I didn't really count, that might have meant listening to it again, and I'm not about to do that today)...what it really does is reassure the listener that they really are one hit wonders of a pop band masked in punk band clothing...I could be wrong though, we've all seen what cursing has done for quality acts such as Limp Bizkit, Linkin Park and Kid Rock. Maybe AHF should have taken another cue from their crap-rock brethren and misspelled American or used some sort of play on words, that really appeals to the 'illiterate and proud of it' set out there (I also call them teenagers who watch TRL but don't admit it). Beyond those two tracks, it's all the same. Clichéd lyrics. Standard issue lead guitar riffs (and rip offs). Nasal voiced singer who tries too hard.

At times, I got the strange feeling that I was listening to some bastardized, test-tube offspring of Our Lady Peace, Everclear and Oasis. And while I may enjoy those three bands, I don't ever recall saying to myself, or anyone else for that matter, "You know what would be cool? A band that mixes equal parts Everclear, Oasis and Our Lady Peace for it's sound and then writes songs that we've all heard a thousand times before! Yes'sir, that'd be damn cool!" If I did say that, I was really, really, really drunk and I was just fucking kidding. After forcing myself to listen to this a few times over (for the sake of reviewing something that wasn't good at all), I put in NOFX's So Long And Thanks For All The Shoes and thanked them for doing the best they can to keep punk rock elite...the next step is to kick the ever loving crap out of AHF and make the world safe for music again. All in all...screw AHF for being in existence, screw Island for putting out their album. I am never going to review anything I cribbed off of MTV ever again. Period. End of story.

check back soon for my long-in-progress and finally completed review of Virgil Werley's work and also a review of an old Mineral disc. also make sure to check out the forum as that is where I'll be posting my concert list for the next few weeks.