Welcome one and all to part one of the four part series that I like to call 'The 30 Albums That Owned Your Ass & The 10 That Sucked Your Previously Owned Ass in 2001'...well, that doesn't fit in the title section, so I went with something a little more basic. Just as an aside (as though I even need to state this shit)...this is all based on my opinion and nothing more...no poll was taken...no survey was conducted...I ignored SoundScan and Billboard rankings...and I won't be auto-dissing things that came out on major labels. That said, I'm doing worst first, and I'll be doing the best later (10 at a time). I would apologize for going back on my word...but chances are the only person I'd be apologizing to would be Mike, and I already covered that base last night...not only is he a great webmaster...he's an even better lover!!! He calls me Fruit Booty. I LOVE YOU MIKE! Okay, with the requisite homo-eroticism out of the way...all that's left for me to do is write the actual article...why not? I've got nothing better to do!
(K Records / April 24, 2001)
When I first got this album, I loved it. It had all kinds of songs that I'd been trying to get my hands on for a long, long time (and we all know that I wouldn't download mp3s, I'm all pro-RIAA and stuff...never mind the 4800 mp3s on my hard drive, they're...uhhh...lectures). Then I sat down and spent an entire weekend trying to review the album and found myself liking it less and less...first, I took umbrage with the pacing...then it was the horrid recording quality...then it was a continual, never-ending headache culled from listening to this at high volumes...and then BAM, I took the few songs I liked, put them on mini-disc and moved on with my life. The tracks that make this worth the while are 'Worms vs. Birds', 'Blue Cadet 3 Do You Connect', 'Dukes Up, 'Path Of Least Resistance'. Mildly recommended, mostly because this is a must-have for Modest Mouse fans...but if it comes down to choosing between 'Sad Sappy Sucker' and 'Everywhere & His Nasty Parlor Tricks', I'd go with the latter rather than the former.
(Drive Thru Records / May 22, 2001)
I was fairly impressed with their previous self-titled album, and after hearing a lot of the new tracks live earlier this year when they opened for Guttermouth, I had some fairly high expectations for 'Lechuza'. Then end result? A major let down that seems as forced as a child kissing his cat-piss smelling aunt. There's just no real energy or vibrancy to the album at all...it leaves you feeling like you need a nap rather than a nice romp in the pit, which is what a punk album should make you feel like doing...the pit thing, not the nap thing. It's better than the newest Blink album...but not much. Recommendation to avoid, unless it's free, then it's okay to own this...if you want some pop punk for your next party, get some New Found Glory or The*Ataris instead.
(MCA Records / June 12, 2001)
Speaking of bands who have problems with improving...the newest offering from Blink is, by far, their worst one to date (which is shocking, given how badly 'Enema Of The State' sucked). Musically speaking, they've managed to tighten things up, but going from passable punk melodies to shitty pop tunes isn't really something to brag about. As far as the lyrics go, they've grown up...but, as you might have guessed from the title of the album, they're still kids at heart. The two tracks that I enjoy are 'The Rock Show' and 'Story of a Lonely Guy'. Word has it that Tom and Travis will be working on a side project that is going to be more in the hardcore punk vein...right, okay, sure...why the fuck not? Recommendation to avoid, unless, of course, you're a 14 year old girl or are in charge of picking music for your prom later this year...in either case, you probably already own this trash.
This portion of our program is brought to you by the only three things keeping me sane whilst I set about the task of reviewing all this crappy music...Code Red Mountain Dew, my anti-depressants and the new Get Up Kids album.
(Island Records / February 27, 2001)
Now do I really need to go over all the ways that this album sucks again? I hate it...it is the spawn of Satan...that's all I'm going to say on the matter. Strong recommendation to avoid, I wouldn't even wish this on my worst enemy! To fill space, I'm going to talk about how much I hate Microsoft.. This article you're reading....I tried posting it FIVE TIMES with Internet Explorer...fucking thing kept crashing on me. What did I end up doing? I dusted off the old ftp program, hit ye olde Netscape site and downloaded Netscape 6. Am I happy about this? No, I dislike Netscape and prefer the functionality of IE...but I do what I have to do to get my words to you! After I finish moving into my new house, I'm probably going to buy a second hard drive, move all of my necessary files over to that, and put it in my brothers system...then I'm going to format my beloved Phaedrus and go back to using FreeBSD, whereupon I will use Samba to get all of my files back from my brother and also take back my new hard drive. Involved process? Very much so...but that's how much I hate Microsoft at this point. How does this tie into American Hi-Fi? Well, I did say something about Satan...so it seemed like a natural segue.
(Dreamworks Records / July 17, 2001)
This album was once called 'Bleed American', but apparently that was too un-patriotic or something, so now this is a self-titled thing...whatever. This is another album that I was really high on when I first heard it; however, over time, I've decided that it's not that great after all. I've heard the demo tapes that they shopped around to try and find a new label and, raw as they were, they were far and away better than the finished product. All the fancy effects and mixing seem to have sapped this album of any real emotion or immediacy (which is very present in said demos). The thing that upsets me the most is the remake of 'Sweetness'...it's shorter, it's crappier, and it doesn't sound right. When pressed for a favorite track...I'd have to say 'Your House' or maybe even 'Get It Faster'. Mildly recommended (I don't have to explain myself to you! I'd rather recommend JEW than Blink any damn day!), this is a nice introduction forr the uninitiated, in that they might hear the term 'emo' and decide to travel to the good sections in good record stores (I'll just ignore the fact that this band is so far from emo at this point that calling them such is a laughable proposition).
(Tooth & Nail Records / October 23, 2001)
I honestly don't know what to make of this band...'Emotion Is Dead seemed to be nothing more than a rip-off of Jimmy Eat World, and so did 'Understand This Is A Dream'. Now with 'Music From Another Room' they come across like they're just as confused about what they are as I am. 'This Is The End of Your Life' sounds like arena rock with Our Lady Peace style lyrics. 'Liability' starts off like a techno track (and a bad one, at that), then it turns into something even worse. I can admit that even though I rip on them a lot, I do like some things they do, but I can't find a single thing to like about this album...I guess 'Breathing By Wires' is an okay song, but even that is a stretch for me. Recommendation to avoid, even if you're a big Juliana Theory fan, you won't like this drivel.
We're in the home stretch, and to give me that little extra 'oomph' that I need to make it through this, I've switched on over the new Millencolin album...but I'm out of Code Red, and I'm pretty certain that my medication isn't working like it should, because I feel like shoving pens in my ears so that I never have to listen to these albums again...oh well, it's only four more, I should be okay.
(Volcano/Pavement / May 15, 2001)
May 15 was a big day for music fans...not only was this the release date for the new TOOL, but also for the new Weezer. May 15 was just another day for me because I didn't buy either of these albums that day. What do we get after five years and a couple of lawsuits? Well, I don't know what you got, but I got a headache. 'Schism' was okay and had a cool video, but sitting through the rest of 'Lateralus' to get to it proved to be an exercise in patience that I just wasn't prepared to deal with. 'Reflection' harkened back to the TOOL of old, but it was overly long. Most of the album actually felt like any other of this band's albums, but I just don't care for it...maybe I was expecting something groundbreaking and fresh...maybe my expectations were set too high after waiting as long as I did (I don't count 'Salival', but others might). Whatever the case, this is the worst TOOL album to date and came off like they were trying so hard to stay true to their image that they forgot part of said image was pushing the boundaries and discovering new levels of music that were previously thought to be unattainable. Recommendation to avoid, the only people who this will appeal to are existing TOOL fans, but will probably rub even some of those the wrong way. Yes, I know, I'm an ingrate for not being happy with this effort...whatever.
(Vagrant Records / July 10, 2001)
*swats the bands collective hand* That's a bad little emo band! BAD! 'Through Being Cool' and 'Can't Slow Down' owned all...they had emotional, haunting lyrics, energetic melodies and they left me feeling like I'd just read someone else's diary. This? This leaves me feeling like I just read the diary of a dead friend or something. It's energetic, sure, but it's still kind of lethargic in a weird way. 'At Your Funeral' is a good track, showcasing the melodic songwriting genius of Saves The Day, but beyond that, I'm having a hard time finding anything I like about this. It comes off as being contrived and forced, almost like they just wanted to hurry up and put something new out on their new label...myself personally, I would have culled the few good tracks from the recording sessions and put out an EP instead of an LP and then gone to work writing/recording songs that really would have fit under the banner of 'Stay What You Are'. As it is, I think these guys need to take their own advice and quit trying to stray into the deadly territory of pop punk. Strong Recommendation to avoid, if you don't know who Saves The Day is, go get an older album and stay the hell away from this one...or go see them next time they're in your area, they're even better live.
(BMG/RCA Records / February 27, 2001)
What's the difference between Steve Lillywhite and Glen Ballard? Aside from the fact that Mr. Lillywhite has never worked with Alanis Morissette...not much. They're both producers?They've both worked with the Dave Matthews Band. But then there is this...one produced an absolutely brilliant album that has yet to see the light of a public release, while the other produced a catchy, pop-laden album that was actually released. I've heard the infamous 'Lillywhite Sessions' album, and I've heard 'Everyday'...and I can honestly say that I think that the wrong album was sent to presses. 'The Space Between' sounds better as an acoustic piece than it does on the album. 'Everyday' revived the crappy gospel vibe that I had hoped was buried when 'Stay' stopped getting airplay, and that's an unforgivable offense. 'When The World Ends' is the best track on the album, and I can only listen to that if I'm in a certain mood. The Santana-fied 'Mother Father' is atrocious. I just don't like this whole endeavor...so much so that I cancelled my membership in the DMB Fan Club...I'm dead serious about that. That OTHER album they recorded may have been more brooding and somber, but it's a damn sight better than what was put out instead. I hope Mr. Ballard suffers a head injury that prevents him from ever lending his Alanis-touch to anything ever again, especially anything this band ever releases. As far as this one goes?strong recommendation to avoid, but only if you?re like me, which most people aren?t, so I guess you should probably own this album.
And then there was one...the worst album of 2001. Aren't you excited? I know I am! Actually, I'm only excited about the fact that in 10 minutes this article will be done with and I can get back to work on the best column before I got hang out with some friends and maybe have a beer. So, without any further blabbering...wait, I need a cigarette...the worst album of the year!
(Geffen Records / May 15, 2001)
Five years, and one set of braces later...Rivers gives birth to the Weezer for the new millennium, and BOY does it suck. In all honesty, I predisposed myself to not liking this album, but I was glad that I had set my expectations as low as I did. Yes, it's catchy, but so is the theme song from that old television show Small Wonder...granted, this album isn't like listening to cheesy theme songs, far from it. Rivers has a penchant for writing impeccable pop songs, and his rhyme scheme is neither trite nor trying. The music is damn near flawless...it's tight, it's appropriately hard, and if you didn't know any better, it almost sounds like these guys didn't take a half-decade long hiatus (which is kind of true, what with the songs they did for soundtracks and compilations). Sadly, the great lyrics and the great music don't match up. The only songs that really get clicking on all cylinders are 'Hash Pipe' and 'Island In The Sun'...the former is heavy, and so are the lyrics,...the latter is light and lackadaisical, gelling quite nicely with the words. I just can't get into the rest...and I'm probably wrong about the lyrics/music theory thing...but them's the breaks when you're reading reviews by someone who doesn't know thing one about making pop music. I'm just a bitter, bitter Weezer fan who grew tired of waiting for them to get back to rocking and stuff, so I got addicted to The Rentals and Special Goodness, so now I guess I'll have to wait a few years before I get new albums from either of those outfits now that Weezer is back together. I've heard some demo tracks from the next album and if they are any indication of where the band is headed, I think I might actually like the next release...but that's a good 4 or 5 months away (at the earliest). Strong recommendation to avoid, but we?ve already figured out that I?m an idiot with no taste in music, so taking my advice on albums probably isn?t in your best interest.
Well...I hope you've enjoyed our time together, boys and girls. I bet you're thinking that I just listed some of these things to try and get a rise out of people...you're wrong like mad, but you go right ahead and think such things. Don't believe me? Ask my friends, they?ve heard me bitch about these albums enough this year to know how I really feel. Is there something on this list that you take issue with? By all means, let me know! Anyhoo, my ride's here...I'll be back on Monday with the news.
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