Most of what follows is a joke. It consists of strong language, suggestive comments, things that never happened, and opinions about things that did
A Flashback (2 months ago):
Josh: "Brad, I got my Weezer tickets today!"
Brad: "Fuck you, I'm playing Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2!"
Josh: "Dude, they're pit tickets!"
Brad: "Goddamnit, I'm trying to Bluntside the Awning! Leave me alone!"
Josh: "Cool, well, if I can't find a date...I'll take you..."
Brad: "Do I have to put out? Because I will!"
Josh: *shakes his head* "Sick fuck."
A Flashforward, Still a Slashback: (08:03:02):
Josh: "Okay, I didn't find a date...get ready for the show, gates open in an hour."
Brad: "Fuck you, I'm playing Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2!"
Josh: "Weezer show, you pussy straight edger!"
Brad: "I'm not straight edge...I like chemicals and beer and meat...I don't believe in an all-powerful Judeo-Christian God, either."
Josh: "Neither do I...we are ANTI-sXe!"
Brad: "It's true, we are."
Josh: "Okay, so go get ready."
Brad: "Dude, let's be Communists and dress all in black and discuss Nihilism and crap..."
Josh: "Okay, we'll do that right after the Weezer show."
Brad: "Fuck you, I'm playing Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2!"
At Present: (today):
I did end up pausing Tony Hawk...but I wasn't happy about it, and I only did it because someone promised to hold my hand and cry with me during Dashboard Confessional's set...someone lied! That's okay, I licked someone's finger..that'll teach someone!
A Revisionist History of the Show: (make-believe, but probably cooler):
The show was supposed to open with a Sparta set, but those plans were scrapped when it was announced that At The Drive-In had reunited (but they didn't really break up, did they?) and would be playing instead...their set consisted of "Relationship of Command" in it's entirety. After that was over, a guy gave me free beers and a backstage pass..then I went to stand by the side stage and have a cigarette. Just as I was lighting up, Rose McGowan came up to me and offered me an English Oval in place of my normal Marlboro Red...we had a nice chat about the ATDI set, she gave me her number, and I promptly went to the restroom to 'handle some bitness'. Dashboard was n ext, and rather than play a crappy full band set, Chris played an acoustic set and brought out that Rocking Horse Winner girl to duet with him. To close, he played 'Moon Is Down', which is the best song he ever wrote, and I wept. When I went back out to smoke, I was still crying, and through my tears I could see that Rose was doing the same...so we held one another for ten minutes or so...it was a very cathartic experience (plus, I got to put my hand on her ass, which was a dream come true!). Finally Weezer played...and Weezer rocked...and they played almost everything I wanted to hear. Then, right as they were about to play 'Good Life', Rivers invited me up to sing with him, Josh up to play bass and Mike up to play drums...but then Rivers remember that he hadn't asked a week in advance, so it was just me and Josh together with Weezer! The crowd loved us and we were given a record contract shortly after walking off stage. Then I met up with Rose again and we went back to my place and watched Mallrats while I tried to have sex with her in a very uncomfortable place...
Gil Hicks: "What, like the back of a Volkswagen?"
Everyone Else: "Shut the fuck up, Gil!!
What a great night!
A Realistic Depiction of Events: (no Rose...no rose-colored lenses, either):
Such mixed feelings I have for this show...on the one hand, WEEZER!...on the other hand, non-acoustic Dashboard and an unappreciated Sparta...also on the other hand, the scourge of all concerts...teenagers...lots of them. Sparta's set was solid, inspired, energetic and enjoyable...did the majority of the crowd give a shit? Not at all. Does it matter that they're a Texas band? Not so much. Do these kids even remember (or did they know in the first place) what made ATDI so great? Probably not. From the 'sad, but true' file: the only time they evoked something of a uniform response from the crowd was when they dedicated a song to their friends from Dashboard...had they said nothing, the 'most pit' might not have ever gotten started. The dedication was ironic, for me at least...because, see, Sparta songs sound good with full bands...the singer has actual range...and they don't do everything so down-tempo that retarded parrots with lisps and drinking problems can sing along (that's right...I called you sing-a-long with Chris fucks drunken, lispy retarded parrots..so what?) I like Sparta, I did not like the lack of love they were shown in their home state. Then Dashboard played...man, girls sure do like this guy (which may, or may not be, funny)..I liked him, too...when he was in Further Seems Forever and this band was just a side-project...now? Fuck this band...fuck this band in it's stupid, collective ass. I know I was all in love with them like a year and half, two years ago, but that was before I heard them live...god-f'n-awful! Did I cry? Goddamn right I cried...I cried out of boredom...then I almost cried again because, in my rush to get away from the stage, I broke a cigarette...but don't tell Chris that story, he might write a song about it that sounds good with just one guitar, but not so good with a guitar, a bass, drums and a keyboard. Finally, Weezer played...and Weezer rocked...and they played almost everything I wanted to hear (exceptions: 'Jamie', 'Suzanne', 'Mykel and Carli', 'Undone', 'Say it Ain't So'). I know that I ragged the "Green Album" pretty hard last year...but I've reconsidered it, and it was an appropriate reintroduction to the band after that long, long, long hiatus...and "Maladroit" is not so bad, either. But my feelings on their two most recent albums are inconsequential, really...why? Because what constituted ninety percent of their set was stuff off of the vaunted "Blue Album" and the lauded "Pinkerton"...so, really, they could have played a bunch of Steve Perry songs after all of the stuff off of the first two albums, and I wouldn't have fucking cared. Without a doubt in my mind...seeing Weezer live brought out the 14 year old fan-boy in me...I screamed along with every f'n song...I jumped around...I threw up the flying-W on more than one occasion...and during the tripped out rendition of 'Only in Dreams', I damn near cried. Best...show...ever!
A Post-Coitus Cigarette: (what?):
Don't feel so bad if this isn't as funny to you as it is to myself and a select handful of individuals...I felt like writing one big inside joke...it's my literary attempt at being Kevin Smith...so, like, thanks for indulging me.