As the end of the year approaches it comes time for critics to begin posting their "best lists" of music. This year comes as no exception to that rule. As the masses of brain dead slobs step up to their word processors to sing the praises of whatever band corporate radio has paid them to exalt, I write this little diatribe about the shit that the majority of you call "good music".
The year saw more than it's fair share of MTV-hyped noise and only a few things managed to slipped through the cracks and deem themselves noteworthy of being listened to more than once. With that it becomes time to begin my rant.
MxPx, New Found Glory, Homegrown, Good Charlotte, Sum41, Blink182 – It's all really the same band. Most of them have been around for a few years and I haven't heard a single thing that distinguishes one from their last cd or from any of the others for that matter. If it wasn't for mass media and the overgrowing population of easily influenced high school kids, I probably wouldn't have this giant thorn in my side.
Hoobastank, Huver, Staind, System of A Down, POD – Shit, shit, shit end even more shit. Another fine example of everything being all the same. This little list could go on longer, but I don't listen to the radio enough to know who exactly all of these bands are. I just refer to them with the name Unoriginal. You guys have already proved that you're a bunch of followers and not leaders so why don't you follow the lead of your beloved Dave Williams and die.
Dashboard Confessional – This guy used to be cool. He broke off from a Further Seems Forever to do his own solo acoustic thing. At first it was a great idea. Chris Carraba put out a couple of really good cds then he got popular and sold out. What started out as an acoustic project quickly gained it's place within the college frat circle and from there grew into a rip off of the predecessor, replacing the solo guitar with a full band and electric instruments. It's no longer cool when you're buying a new video game at Target and over the loud speaker comes Saints and Sailors backed up by the video on the in-store display.
The Strokes – So this band comes along and decides they're going to pay homage to The Velvet Underground. I'm thinking wow, that'll be pretty spiffy, I just might have to check them out. As it turns out it was quite a bit false advertising. What happens when you take four guys from elitist New York families, give them a shopping spree at the local thrift store, and throw in a distortion pedal? You get the Strokes, or the Moldy Peaches, or the White Stripes, or the Mooney Suziki. *included for Brad's amusement* Fuck the Strokes. Fuck them and their crappy analog distortion lounge-punk sound.
The Get Up Kids and Saves the Day – So this is why it's now the trend to dye your hair black and shop at thrift stores. Come on unite all you little ones. Show me all that angst that builds up from not having to hold a job, or have any real responsibility. Oh no, the pains of being supported by your parents because you're too young to be out on your own. Your depression is so deep. I'm going to start a new rebellion and shop at the Gap just so I don't have to be like you.
Less Than Jake – Maybe if I had a trombone and dreads I could play pussy pseudo-ska too.
Jimmy Eat World – This one is too easy I'm not even going to try.
And then out of nowhere, like a beacon of light in an eternal darkness, decent bands managed to slip through the cracks in mass-media's death grip. There were a few good bands this year of course. Chances are though, you haven't heard of most of these, seeing as how you can't find the time between football practice and driving your trans-am or raised mini-truck around the school parking lot to do a little bit of research.
Thursday – If you haven't seen Thursday live then you probably haven't even heard of them, or you're a lazy whiny bitch like Brad. Thursday graced us (me at least) with a live ep. Four songs recorded from a show in their New Jersey hometown, and a bonus of Jet Black New Year a previously unreleased song.
Bright Eyes – I don't think it's possible for Conor Oberst to put out a bad cd. The boredom of living in Omaha, Nebraska must give you more than enough time to increase your talents.
Desparacidos – See Bright Eyes.
Cursive – Another one of those great Omaha bands. How exactly does a desolate area spawn things like these?
Thrice – Wow a screamo cover of Eleanor Rigby. Too bad it probably won't be until next year before we get a new cd from them.
As it appears, next year will be much of the same. The majority's tastes will continue to degrade and the mindless drones of the population will continue to huddle around their tvs to watch the Osbournes or the newest version of Pop Stars.